Guess what, Psychos?!?
Yours truly, was nominated for
The Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness!
I was nominated by; Dani’ over at
Please go check her out because she ROCKS SUPER HARD! She’s my new internet crush (she just doesn’t know it yet 😉 so give her some love!
To say that I am wicked stoked would be an understatement! I love any opportunity to talk about myself. I’m a bit of an attention whore. Just ask my Hubby Chubby! So here goes…
1. I met my Hubby Chubby back when I was in high school. He was a couple of years older than me, but we use to go to the same parties. Back in the day we got our shit done and then threw done hard and there was a shit-ton of promiscuity. I HATED HIM! Not because he was ever rude to me or anything BUT because he slept with all my close friends. I thought he was a nasty pig. Looking back, he wasn’t any different from all the other guys or girls that we hung out with, myself included! He likes to joke that I didn’t like him because he didn’t give me any attention. I do NOT remember it that way!
2. I once got jumped by 3 big black girls. I was about 19 and we were at “the club”. I went to the bathroom by myself. I had drunk (shhhh don’t tell my mom;) Apparently I didn’t latch the lock all the way so one of the girls opened up the door while I was hovering over the toilet. She was appalled by, my lack of lock savvy. I finished my hovering act while listening to the 3 girls talk mad shit about me. I walked over and washed my hands. This is when a normal person, would have high tailed it the fuck outta the bathroom BUT not me. My momma raised a fool! SO, while I’m washing my hands, they are still talking smack and I turned and told them “to shut the fuck up because I can hear you.” No shit, asshole? They wanted you to hear them! Those three girls jumped on me faster than I could say “Holy Cupcakes Fat-asses!” They bashed my head into the brick wall. I ain’t smart BUT I don’t go down without a fight. GAME ON, BITCHES!!! The bouncers came in and dragged ME out of the club for fighting because they said I appeared to be the aggressor while the three girls that jumped ME stayed at, da club! I can’t lie, I was pretty fucked up BUT I showed them what this girl is made of!
3. I almost got kidnapped in my twenty’s. We were coming from a Halloween Jack ‘N’ Jill. We had a whole group that had dressed up from characters from the Wizard of Oz. I was dressed as Glinda the good witch (ironic, I know) and I had on my wedding dress and the troll was dressed as a munchkin. We started fighting on the way home. I demanded that he pull over and let me out so I could walk home. (We were about a 40 min car ride away!) He wouldn’t pull over so I attempted a tuck and roll out of the moving car. (yes. it was toats a healthy relationship!) There was a white van coming up the road so I flagged it down to for a ride to the police station so I could make a phone call and get the fuck out of the children of the corn environment that I had found myself in. So much for that?!?! It was a man driving the van and a female passenger. The van had the two bucket seats in the front and no other seats. They suggested that I sit on the floor between them. Ok?!? I was crying so the female started rubbing my head to comfort me. BUT then she started rubbing my head really fast and aggressively and was pulling my hair as she did this (I’m guessing this is about the time her drugs kicked in?!?!) I started realizing shit, these people are fucked up and there is no was they are going to drive me to a police station! We kept driving and I was scared as shit. I couldn’t see where I was going because I was on the floor. I kept repeating that they could just drop me off where we were. They were ignoring me and talking about their “pick up and that they couldn’t pull over because their guy was waiting for them.” Finally we pull up to a house on a dead-end road somewhere that I’ve NEVER been. They demanded that I wait for them. The crackhead female was trying to shut the door on me and keep me in the van. I pushed her out the way and said “I don’t care what you people are going to do, BUT I have to leave.” WRONG ANSWER… They took offense to “you people” and kicked the ever-living shit out of me. The man kicked me so many times that I lost count. I knew that what ever I did, I was fucked so I played dead. I heard the female saying “come on, let’s go get our stuff and finish her when we get back.” I waited until I couldn’t hear them and then ran (at least I tried) and hid in someone’s backyard because I knew with every fiber of my being that if they seen me again, they would kill me, the dogs barked, they seen me and took me in. The end… (yes, looking back I realize that I did many things wrong!)
4. I was in the United States Air Force Reserves. I went to basic training and school at Lackland Air Force Base In San Antonio Texas. I arrived there in July. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU TEXANS CAN DEAL WITH THAT HEAT! Y’ALL ARE SOME TOUGH ASS BITCHES!!!!
5. I’m a MASSHOLE and wicked proud of it though, someday I dream of having a winter home in Florida!
6. A very long time ago, I had a crush on this dude. I met him at a bar. He finally asked me on a date. I was excited. He came to pick me up and THEN I REALIZED, HE HAD ON PLEATED JEANS! WTF who does that?!? My friend convinced me to give him another shot. Second date and BAM, PLEATED JEANS! Come on guy?!? You’re killing me! That was the end of that!
7. When I found out that I was pregnant with HUBBY CHUBBY, I kept the pee stick on the toilet for weeks to terrorize him. Every time he went into the bathroom, he seen it and almost fainted! 🙂
8. My favorite nights at home are when Hubby Chubby and I have cheese and crackers for dinner, while watching t.v. and having cocktails.
9. I believe in Karma and I am patiently awaiting her arrival…
10. My favorite date night with Hubby Chubby is when we go to a comedian show. I love to laugh! Laughter is the best medicine and it’s a shame that more people don’t believe in it!
So without further ado, these are the wonderful bloggers that I am nominating; Please check them out and give them some love! They deserve it!